Not Much Going on Here

We had Mom's birthday party (surprise party!) on Wednesday. I drove up to Milwaukee to get Dad and Colleen, and took them back up after the party(and didn't finally get home until a little after 11pm!). Dad got to meet some of the people from the VFW/American Legion post where mom and Dave go, as that's where we had the party.
They also got to spend some time with the kids and have dinner with us. Gabe wasn't in the best of moods, as he's working on another cold/sinus infection/plague. Seems like every time the weather changes dramatically he gets sick again. But this time I can partially blame it on Adrian. He was over last weekend hacking and coughing with a runny nose and bad attitude, and gave it to Gabe. Problem with Gabe being sick and feeling crappy is that since his nose is running all the time, he's always wiping it on his sleeve, and he's been licking his lips CONSTANTLY! Poor thing looks like he's been rubbing cherry koolaid all over his mouth and chin, that's how red it is. And with the runny nose also comes the drooling.
We've had the drooling under control for the most part, but when stressed or sick he drools more, and chews his shirts more. He's ruined at least a dozen since the beginning of the move.
We started going through our books for school today and even managed to read some. I'm planning on formally starting on Monday, and from there we will be on a 4 day a week school schedule. I'd like to do 3 weeks on and 1 week off, ideally. But we all know how things work out when we want to do something a particular way around here.
I'm hoping that Gabe will be feeling better by next week. For all our sakes! The more icky and out of sorts he feels, the worse he makes every one else feel. Tonight we went to Walmart to pick up some last minute things for dinner, and to pick up some school supplies. That went pretty decent until he decided that it wasn't fair that he wasn't getting a toy. Wow, you'd have thought I said that we were going to amputate his feet and make him walk over hot coals! All hell broke loose - at the checkout of course - and Mike had to take him out to the van to calm down. The cashier was very nice about it, and we talked about autism and mental retardation while she scanned our things. But the "lady" in front of us in line wasn't so nice about it. Kept shaking her head at us and mumbling things about kids these days and needing a good butt-warming.
Of course to top off the wonderful week I've been having, my computer is acting up. Sometimes it just doesn't want to turn back on and takes a few tries to get up and running. I'm actually thinking of buying a new laptop when we get taxes back in February. Maybe.
guess that's all for now, gotta go give the little monster his cough meds so he can hopefully sleep a little better tonight.

More Random

I've been trying to figure out what to post, and been sitting here for way too long without any ideas. I could post more about how the kids are doing, or what we're doing in school. I could post about Gabe's ever growing obsession for Lego Star Wars, or his slowly diminishing hatred for anything school related. He did actually do all his work today without any screaming, kicking or throwing a fit. And he now knows most of his letters. I could also post about how my baby will be 8 years old tomorrow. But when I write it I end up deleting because it doesn't come out right. Heck, I could even post about a certain 11yo boys complete and total lack of respect for anything I say. And how he goes out of his way to start trouble with Gabe and the other kids on an almost hourly basis. But I figured that was a post better left for a day when I wasn't already ticked off about the way he was behaving.

Really, there is sooooo much that I could write about, but then I start thinking about whether it's too personal to share with perfect strangers, or with certain other people that may or may not eventually find their way here and read it. I mean after all, how many people do I really need to share my personal issues with before it gets to be old news?

Mike's been having health problems on and off since the beginning of February, and has another Dr appointment tomorrow. Hopefully that is good news instead of bad. Gabe will be 8 tomorrow, and my friend Missy is having her baby boy tomorrow as well. Plus dad has his appointment tomorrow with Social Security.

On a more personal front, I've been doing bible studies by myself, not through a church or anything. I like it better that way, and am working on little ways of changing my life to get it to the way I should be living. The problem with that is that certain family members (on his side) don't think that's what I should be doing. They want me studying with people from their "church" and going to their "church" and they believe that what they teach is the only right thing. So I'm having a difficult time coping with all the pressure and the well meaning comments that I really should start coming back to their "truth". In fact, since Saturday I've had people at my house 3 times trying to get me to commit to coming back and get me into conversations about their beliefs. I love his family, and I like the people that are trying to "help" me, but when I'm ready, I'll make my own decisions about what to believe or not believe. I'm sure that in their minds, they are trying to do what they think is best, but honestly, all I feel is them telling me that what I'm doing is wrong. It's not that I don't appreciate the efforts that they put into things, but I don't believe that their way is the only way, that they have the only "true" worship.

Enough of that for now, I have kids to chase and a house to clean, and a LOT of thinking to do.

My Thoughts, Random.

I sat up thinking last night, about how things will be for Gabe as he gets older. And about the other kids. Will they grow up and be happy, or resentful of him. Will they understand that he's different, but that it shouldn't stop them from being around him or being happy with him.
I also worry about Mike. He's convinced that if Gabe is just disciplined more then he'll be fine and cooperate with whatever it is that he wants him to do. He just doesn't accept that Gabe is not the same as the other kids. And it's not just the whole autism thing. It's also the cognitive aspect of it. He is learning, at a slower pace, but learning none the less. He's come a long way as far as his behavior as well, but not far enough for Mike. He wants him to act his age, his chronological age, not mental age. Gabe can't do that.
The other kids resent him a lot of days, I can see it when they look at him. Kids show their feelings rather well whether they want to or not. Yes, I am more permissive with him, but I'm also trying to keep peace with 3 other kids, sometimes 4, and run a house, do school, and laundry and everything else. Just because he wants his way doesn't make him a brat. All kids want their own way, all kids have times where they throw a fit cause they didn't get something they wanted. Not just him. I'm sick of having to justify everything I do with him. I'm sick of being told it's not fair, cause dammit life isn't fair. It's not fair that I have 2 boys with autism and related challenges, and a pre-teen that tries to run the world and a drama queen. And a husband who doesn't support the way I deal with the kids. I'm tired of hearing how if HE were in charge of Gabe, Gabe would learn to behave, and that his misbehavior is all my fault.
I'm really having a hard time sticking to my guns with the whole homeschooling thing. I'm tired of the smart mouthed comments, tired of fighting, tired of all of it. I know the best place for Gabe is at home, but the easiest place is at school. I just don't know how I can keep doing this.
It's not fair that I can't have one day that everyone is on the ball and all the school and house work get done. Or that bedrooms don't stay picked up unless I stand over them and make them do it.
I love my kids, but some days I have a really hard time liking them. And that makes me feel like a horrible mom. And I love having Adrian, but I'm tired of getting crap from people about it. I'm getting told, make his mom take care of him, why do you do it without getting paid, he's not your problem, not your child and the list goes on and on. Why can't people stay out of it? Why do I need to justify my actions to others who have no business meddling in the first place?

I never said I was perfect but don't I deserve a little respect? A little positive comment once in a while would be great. I'm getting all this negative from the kids and hubby and even strangers. I mean, I could understand if I was asking people for their input on it, but I'm not.

I didn't want to turn this into a pity party or a rant about people's crappy attitudes. It's not meant to be a poor me post. Just trying to get some things off my mind. I just don't know how to keep doing this anymore. I'm tired, so tired.

My Dad

My dad and I haven't been in contact for at least the last 5 yrs. Right about the time my youngest nephew was born was the last time I saw him. So imagine my surprise when I answered the phone yesterday to hear his voice. I didn't know who it was that first few seconds, and then something clicked and I just knew who it was. He asked if I was curious to know how he found me again, and I said No, not really, because I'd done the same thing 11 yrs ago to find him. I went online and used one of the people search websites. He cheated and did it the easy way, white pages on Yahoo. Punk. Anyway, mom and dad divorced when I was 7 I think. Then, we only saw him once in a great while, until we moved from Milwaukee in 1988. And never saw him again until February 1998. Ten years is a long time, a lifetime even. In that ten years, I had grown up, graduated, dated, married and had a child. All those things that he missed.
My kids know of him, and have seen him a handful of times, the last time being 5 yrs ago. Since then, Mike's changed jobs, I've quit mine, Gabe was diagnosed. My grandmother died, Mike's grandfather died, Aunt Rose died. So many things that he will never experience with us. So many things that I've missed with my dad.
So this weekend, I'm going to see him. For the first time again, in 5 yrs. And his new wife, who he married last week on his 53rd birthday.
Wish me luck and strength when I see him.

C.diff is Negative!

So now we just need the Health Dept, and the Dr's office to both fax a note to work saying that he can go back to work! Unfortunately, the health dept lady is "away from my desk at the moment", and has been all day. The Dr's office is faxing their note, and faxing the health dept as we speak, to get them to fax the note we need.
All it means is that he'll be home tomorrow too, and go back on Wednesday, exactly 2 wks after he got called off work. It also means that he'll get a 3 day paycheck, which will cover his gas back and forth to work and a few groceries. It's great news, and I've been praying that it would hurry up and be done.
Thank you to all who have been praying for us, and have kept us in their thoughts. It's meant a lot to us.
I'm still reloading my computer, and have lost some of my bookmarks forever, but am slowly getting things set back up the way I had them before. The kids are all well, and I'm getting back to normal, just glad things have turned out for him to go back to work. With my stomach in knots the way it's been, I've been living on coffee, and lots of Monster. Hopefully once he is back to work, my stomach will be back to normal.
Gotta go for now, need to finish loading some more things into my bookmarks, and finish loading my music. Got bored yesterday so I took a break from getting it done.

Didn't Sleep Well, Too Much On My Mind

Too much stuff on my mind. Hubby takes in his "sample" today to see if he can go back to work. We can't afford for him to be home for another week, so I'm praying that the meds have worked and he's good to go. Stressful, because he throws off the whole schedule by being here, and is driving me nuts. Also because we need to figure out how we're gonna pay bills and get groceries and everything if he's 0ff for more time. I know that he can take his other week of vacation if he needs to, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.
What amazes me is that no one else has gotten what he has. I've been obsessively cleaning for the past week and a half, and rearranging and vacuuming like a madwoman. Not to mention mopping and scrubbing everything, and making kids wash their hands a million and one times a day.
I don't do well with this kind of thing. Or pretty much anything to do with the city, the health dept, important ppl that can come and inspect your house, or the ones that can take your kids if you know what I mean. It makes me nervous, it even sometimes makes me physically ill.

For an example, we had a dealing with CPS about 4 yrs ago. We'd had a friend (my best friend) and her boyfriend staying with us. He's not known for his good temper. Caleb is a very difficult child to put to bed some nights. This was before I started putting him and Gabe to bed together. So I'm downstairs with Gabe, and he went up to tell Caleb to quit jumping on the bed and go to sleep. Well, he's yelling, and Caleb's yelling. So I put Gabe down on the couch, and went to see what was going on. I go up, and the boyfriend was coming down. He said that he swatted Caleb on the butt for screaming in his face and spitting at him. I went up and checked on him, and asked him what happened, and he told me a different story.
Caleb told me that he was jumping on the bed, which I already knew, and BF came in and told him to go to bed. He said that he told BF that he wanted mom and wasn't going to bed. BF told him to lay down, and he screamed in BF's face, and then BF backhanded him, twice, hard across the side of his neck. Well, I'd never known BF to EVER hit my kids, because he knew that if there was a problem to come get me. And I didn't see any marks, so I figured that Caleb was being a drama queen and I'd just check it again later.
Yes, BF knew that hitting my child was not appropriate, yes he knew that there would be consequences if there was even 1 mark on him. So I let Caleb sleep in my bed with me, since he was upset, along with Gabe (who at the time ALWAYS slept in my bed). And I went to bed, figuring on checking it in the morning. (BTW BF was asked, and denied hitting him like that.)
So when I looked in the morning, I was totally shocked by what I saw. A hand print shaped red mark, with petechiae (hemmoraging) , his neck looked like it was bloodshot. And he had a finger splint shaped bruise. And guess who was wearing a finger splint because he had hurt his finger at work? That's right, the BF.

So I called hubby, told him the situation, and when he got home, he asked BF if he'd hit him and he still said no. So we took Caleb to the police station, filed a report, and had them come talk to him. He told the cops that he did indeed hit him, and that he'd actually hit him twice. He knew it was wrong, and was willing to leave without a fight. Since BF was on probation, his PO revoked him, and he spent 5 days in jail. What does that have to do with CPS? Well if you report that someone else has hurt your child, YOU are investigated too. Yup, that's right, you are investigated.
So, being the not great housekeeper that I am, and having been called on myself because my house was a mess, I totally freaked the hell out! I cleaned everything, called my mom and mil, and they came over and helped me clean every nook and cranny. The worker came and talked to the kids, at school, and called me to say that she needed to come out to the house.
So, she came, and looked thru the whole house--even the fridge and freezer--and her only concern was that she thought the birds cage needed to be cleaned. Of course I laughed, and said that if I cleaned the cage more than 3x a week, the bird would not stay sitting on her eggs, and that since I was breeding birds, I needed her to sit.
I told her how nervous she made me, and how I felt about spanking and how all it takes is just 1 person getting mad and turning you in for something stupid (ie house was a mess cause everyone was sick) to make you freak whenever something happens to your kids. The whole experience affects me even now, I don't leave my kids with anyone except grandma, and my cell phone is on the whole time. I freak over little bumps and bruises. I get physically ill, and sometimes even to the point that I throw up. During that experience I lost 16 lbs in 2 weeks, because I was so freaked I couldn't eat, or sleep and kept throwing up.
Long story short, the case was closed, BF got 5 days in jail, and a 1yr no contact order on us and the kids. He and my best friend got married, he got counseling, and they had a child. My godson, Adrian. Even though he's had counseling, he will never be left alone with my kids. Even if I'm home, because I can't trust that he won't hurt one of them again.
Well, this got way longer than I intended, and I didn't plan on partially writing my life story, lol, but I just wrote how I felt and what was on my mind. Comment away!