In Loving Memory of Mildred Mae Roberts

Four years ago tonight, at 8:16pm, my grandma passed away. I still can't believe that it's been that long. I can still feel it like it was yesterday.

It all started July 1, 2005. We'd gotten a call from my uncle Kevin, telling us that grandma was in the hospital. She'd had a heart attack and fell and broke her hip, although they weren't sure if the fall had caused the heart attack or vice versa. Her hip was broken so badly that there wasn't a whole lot they could do, she had lain there all day until Kev had gotten home and her leg was already turning black from lack of circulation. Her other leg was turning black too, she'd already had a massive sore on it that had never healed properly and her circulation was so bad that they weren't sure if she would keep either leg.
By the next day, her left leg (the unbroken side) had swelled to twice it's size and was completely black. They had to take the leg. By the next weekend, it was clear that the other leg would have to come off, as it was doing the same. She had an infection that was making her very ill. She gave up when they took her legs, and we knew then that she'd probably never make it home.

She ended up on a vent, after the surgeries, and it was like she didn't care anymore if she came off or not. She let the vent breathe for her, after the initial fight when she woke up unsure of what all the tubes and wires were. She didn't want to live that way, and the decision was made to make her comfortable and take her off the vent, and let her spend the rest of her time with her family surrounding her.
My mom, her brothers and sis, all their kids, and my sister's kids and Gabe were all there. I'd brought the other 3 up to see her on the previous weekends that we'd been there. I'd taken Fridays and Mondays off since it happened, and we would leave Thursday after I got off work and we'd drive back down on Monday evening, so she wasn't alone.
They took her off the vent about 11am, and we all spent time talking to her about our favorite memories. We talked about grandpa, and mom and her siblings growing up. Talked about all the things that we'd always hoped she'd see. Most of all, we let her know that we loved her and that it was ok for her to go and be with grandpa.
My sisters left in the late afternoon. And my aunt and uncles followed about 7-730 or so. Mom had walked them out to the car, and grandma started slowing down. It was just me, Gabe and my brothers, so I sent them for mom, told them to hurry because I thought this might be it.
Gabe and I held her hands and he gave her kisses. I tried so hard not to cry, I wanted her to remember us happy. I told her it was ok if she couldn't wait. That mom and the other kids would understand. And, at 8:16, she closed her eyes forever with a long sigh.
Mom came in a few minutes later, running as fast as she could. She knew before she got to grandma though, and sent the boys for the nurse.
Mom told me she thought grandma waited till she left, and I know that it hurt her feelings. I think grandma was trying, but just couldn't hold on any longer.


Rest in Peace Grandma!

Mildred Mae Roberts
FEB 9 1937 - JUL 15 2005

We miss you!

Thinking About School

Been trying to write this post for a while, and keep getting stumped as to how to word it. Colossal writers block. I've been trying to figure our schedule and curriculum for this coming school year. I know, kind of late in the game for some and early for others. I had planned to start our school year on September 1st, just like the public schools here. But I don't know if I want to start at the same time or start a week or 2 later.
I already figured that we are going to do a 4 day school week, with Fridays off. And am tentatively thinking that we are either going to do 3 weeks on and 1 week off, or do 5 weeks on and 1 week off. That way we have time planned to do field trips, and visits with grandparents and all that jazz.
James is really thinking about Unit studies, which I think is a great idea, but I want to make sure that he's getting work in all academic areas. I'm also thinking of doing the same with Caleb and Caitlin. So I figure that we'll use our free Friday's to pick what the next weeks topic will be, and go from there. I'm also picking up workbooks - thick ones lol - that have a variety of lessons that will help them with grade level appropriate skills.
Gabe is the hard one, he is progressing at his own pace, but it still in the "fight with mom about doing school" phase. I've got some great learning cd-roms for him, and a Hooked on Phonics program, as well as a ton of games for his V-Smile, including numbers and letters and such. He's just recently (in the last week) finally shown an interest in any of the games and has even started playing a few of them. His fav's so far are Thomas and Scooby Doo, and the Scooby one is the one he is the best at.
My biggest fear is that with as slow as he is progressing he'll have a hard time learning to read and write clearly, since James learned to read late and had a really hard time with it. James reads fairly well now, so I know once we get past the hard part things will go smoother, it's just getting him to the point that he can recognize that letters make words, and words make sentences that's hard. He knows the letters, can even tell me the sounds most days, but doesn't seem to make the connection that c-a-t is cat. It took quite some time for the twins too, and both of them are still having little problems here and there sounding things out. Caitlin is reading at level, but Caleb isn't, he is more at a late kinder early 1st grade level, and has been there for over a year. That was also a deciding factor in bringing them home. He simply wasn't getting the help he needed at school, or the one on one attention to help him progress. The just read it to him and said what do you think is the answer. If he got it incorrect, they told him the answer. That doesn't teach him anything, it's really just the same as doing it for him.
With him and Gabe being at a lower level than the other 2, I'm working with both of them together on Reading skills, and phonics. Caleb can read some easy books, but gets frustrated easily. He can't spell easy, but he can spell b-e-c-a-u-s-e! I have to laugh because when he spells it out loud he sings it. "B-e-c-a-u-s-e spells because!"
James is reading chapter books, and so can Caitlin, IF it's something she WANTS to read, otherwise she pulls the "but I don't know how to sound that out!" or the always wonderful constant asking of "what's that word" over and over.
All in all, I know some of our goals for this year:

Gabe
1) Gabe will learn to consistently make all the sounds of the letters.
2) Gabe will learn to consistently write all letters. (at this point I dont care if lower case or not)
3) Gabe will consistently copy and say all letters to 20 (he repeats up to 20, sometimes even higher depending on motivation, but has only written to 10)
4) Gabe will learn to put letters together into words. (ideally, i'd like him to learn at least 1 word a week, but i don't know if that's pushing to hard or not yet)
5) Gabe will learn to do simple chores (without having constant hand-over-hand to make him)

Caleb
1) Caleb will learn 5 new words per week (and still be able to spell previously learned ones)
2) Caleb will write on the lines with correct spacing so it can be read
3) Caleb will control his body ( a BIG one, he has no concept of personal space!)
4) Caleb will rotate chores and learn to properly do them
5)Caleb will raise his reading and comprehension level by practicing reading at least 20 minutes each day.

Caitlin
1) Caitlin will learn at least 5 new words per week (see above)
2) Caitlin will write on the lines with correct spacing so it can be read
3) Caitlin will sit quietly when doing schoolwork (constant chatter, kind of like Caleb's lack of concept of personal space)
4) Caitlin will rotate chores without complaint and learn to do them properly
5) Caitlin will raise her reading and comprehension levels by practicing reading at least 20 minutes each day.

James
1) James will learn to write paragraphs with correct punctuation and grammar.
2) James will work on his handwriting skills and improve them.
3) James will stay on task and complete things in a timely manner.
4) James will rotate chores without complaint and learn to do them properly.
5) James will raise his reading and comprehension levels by reading at least 20 minutes each day.

Pretty simple? Yes, but it lets me know what is the most important thing to be working on at a particular time. Goals change, quite often in fact, but this it what we are starting on. I think about what we are having problems with both academically and family wise (see #4 lol) and go from there.
Right now we are having a lot of issues with calling names, shirking chores and not doing things correctly the first time they are asked. In my opinion, learning to do chores is just as important as learning to read. Who will hire someone that will not do what they need to get done? No one! A big rule around here is if you chose not to do things at home, why should I believe that you will so the same thing elsewhere. I.E. if you can't behave at home, why should I think that you will behave in public. Or if you can't manage your assigned chores, why should you be allowed to mow lawns for money, or help clean at someone else's house for money.

I'd love to hear input on what people think of our plan for school and our goals.

Frustrated...

You ever get so frustrated with someone who's supposed to be a friend? Ever have a "friend" who's completely clueless as to how to behave, either in public or in the privacy of you or their own home? Or maybe a fellow mom who has absolutely NO clue as to what to do/how to do it with her kid and calls all the time about how overwhelmed/stressed/ready to scream/ready to spaz that she is with her 1 child, whereas you are just fine with your 4 - plus extra kids some days!
Can you see where this post is going? Yeah, I have a "friend" like that. A "friend" that's driving me nuts. A "friend" that calls when she needs things, or a ride, or a sitter, but never returns my calls to hang out, or go to the park together with our kids, or any little things I might think to invite her to do. She does gladly come over for dinner, as they are usually short of money/groceries. She is more than happy to leave her kid with us, as she says it's "a safe place where he's always taken care of" and "he's treated like one of your own".

Don't get me wrong, I love the kid dearly, and I do treat him as one of my own. I've had him for weekends and overnights since he was born, and even for a week or more at a time when they were both working. That's not the problem, the problem here is, it's almost like I'm jealous that she can act the way she does with no consequences. It's like I'm jealous of her lack of parenting skills and lack of parenting period. Being jealous is new to me. I mean I've been jealous before, who hasn't, but not over stupid things like this. I actually envy her ability to just drop her kid with someone and trust that he'll be fine and taken care of whether she's there or not. Her ability to sleep all day if she wants to, and not worry about whether or not her kid is wreaking havoc on his room when he's in there supposed to be taking a nap or sleeping, or her room while she's sleeping.

Is it wrong of me? Probably. Am I also glad that she trusts me that much with her kid? Hell yes! I take great pride in the fact that my kids have NEVER had to worry about being fed, clothed, or left with someone just because I wanted ME time. The only time any of my kids have ever ever spent the night away from me, much less a weekend, was when I was in the hospital having a baby. Or on the rare occasions when we had them stay at grandma's for a night for our anniversary. Even when I had to work 3rd shift, they still had dad home, and I called to check on them while at work.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm mad that she's lacking in parenting skills, or mad that she gets to do what she wants and I don't.

Hubby is getting frustrated because they don't keep him on a decent sleep schedule, or feed him decent food (they mostly do microwave stuff and junk food). With him not being on a regular sleep schedule, he tends to not want to sleep at bedtime, and tries to take naps at weird times. He also has started throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way, which we also feel is due to the level of supervision (or lack thereof) at home, and the fact that he can basically do what he wants. We don't mind keeping him for weekends, but what we mind is him screaming and throwing fits at bedtime, and climbing out of the playpen and getting into things like he does at home.

Add to that the fact that Gabe is really not handling him being over well, and that Gabe acts out more and tantrums when he's over, and you can see what some of the problems are. I'm just so frustrated and annoyed right now, and am feeling so used. I just feel like all she wants me around for is to watch her kid and drive her places. I'm sure some of that is also due to me feeling quite overwhelmed as of late with Gabe and homeschooling him in particular. And all the frustration with not being able to find a place to move, and the economy and all that. But that's another post for another day.

Now, I need to go get some kids ready for bed and then finish picking up the house before I go to bed.

Another 2 Week Catch-Up Post

Lets see, in the last 2 weeks, Mike went from 3rd back to 1st. He wasn't liking the hours, and wasn't getting enough sleep. Our room is on the first floor, where all the noise and action is all day long, and also doesn't have a door on it. Add to that 3 boys and a girl who all like to start stuff with each other allllllll day long, and fight and scream and run up and down the stairs, and you can easily see why he had such a hard time sleeping.
We've pretty much put moving on hold, as we can't really find anything that suits us well enough to go through the torture of packing, moving and unpacking. We looked at a few places, but a good majority were the "no pets" kind of places, and he's really unwilling to get rid of the dog if it comes down to it.
So for now I'm going to focus on making this place feel more like home to me. In the year we've been here, we've never completely unpacked all the boxes. I have 10 or so in my closet and 4 or 5 more in my room, not to mention the ones in the upstairs bathroom closet and in the kitchen. I want to focus on getting things the way I want them in the house and de-cluttering to the point where I can unload those last billion boxes. I want to focus on getting out credit straight so we can get a house of our own in a few years. I want the stability of not moving for a few years. And most of all, I want a home that my kids are familiar with and comfortable in, especially Gabe. He has such issues with moving, and still cries about the "big old house" on Park that we used to live in. We bought that house and lived there for 5 1/2 years. It was the only house he knew and he still talks about how he wants to go back "Home".

Dad and Colleen are coming down for the 4th, we're going to have a big cookout with Mom and Dave and Dad and Colleen, and Jaime and her kids, and us and Adrian. Brats, hotdogs, hamburgers, pork roast, chicken breasts, macaroni salad and a bunch of other stuff!
We're also gonna do sparklers and maybe a few fountains.
Not much else has been going on here, more of the same old same old. The kids are good, and so are we. Just going with the flow, and trying to make sure that the ends meet in the middle.

So Much For That Idea...

Well, they came to deliver my washer and dryer on Tuesday, and it was going great until they went to measure the basement doorway to make sure that the dryer would fit without having to take the back panel off. Nope. Not gonna happen. And then the great news that even with the back panel off, it would still be 2 inches too big to fit. Crap.
So after taking several DEEP breaths, we talked about what we could do about it. We could either take it ALLLLLL the way apart, and reassemble it in the basement, hoping that they put it together correctly and that it would still work. Or we could have them take it back to the store, and I could come pick a different pair that WOULD fit. We opted for the latter.
And then when I was looking at the sets that they had, I decided that I only wanted to get a dryer, because the washer still works just fine.

So, they came Friday to drop it off, and got it to the kitchen, and guess what????? IT WAS TOO WIDE to fit!!! By like an inch. So, we took off the back panel, and unhooked some stuff, and Mike manhandled it all the way into the basement. I now have a dryer that works! And dries clothes!

Not much else going on here, except that I have Adrian and Austyn this weekend. 6 kids under 12 in the house, and its quieter now than with just my 4.

This Week So Far, And My New Washer and Dryer

The dryer bit the dust again some time ago, so for the last few weeks I've been hanging things to dry. I figured with as bad as our credit was, we'd have to limp on through the rest of this year hanging things and hitting the laundromat at least every other week until February when we get taxes done. That's a LOT of laundry to hang.
Mike thought though that we might be able to get financing through the rent-a-center near us, so we stopped there on Friday evening after grocery shopping. They took our info and ran it through, and long story short, we are getting our new washer and dryer on Tuesday between 3-5pm. It's a Whirlpool Cabrio set, the only set they had there.

The kids are doing good, glad to be done with school. We'll still be doing at least an hour a day during the week, to make sure that they retain what we've gone over the rest of the year. Next year, I want to do a 4 day school week, that way we have Friday-Sunday off, or maybe Saturday-Monday depending on how things are going. We're still going through things that don't fit/aren't worn/too torn or stained. We have 2 full 30-gallon bags and another about 1/2 full.

Mike's doing good on 3rd shift so far, and is getting used to sleeping during the day. And I'm adjusting to not doing the "noisy" housework til after he wakes up. Nothing like forgetting and jolting someone out of a sound sleep by vacuuming! It's been working pretty well though, and I can usually manage now to get most of the housework done by noon or so, then we do lunch and go out for a bit so he can sleep a little longer.

Not much else going on here. Mostly same stuff different day.

Crazy And Chaotic, As Usual!

Another 2 weeks or so between posts, but mostly because I've been busy packing things up and looking for rentals. Plus finishing up the end of our "homeschool" year. Officially public school here ends on June 10. Been cleaning and de-cluttering, getting rid of things we don't use, or haven't used in quite some time.
Today we got rid of a frying pan (visionware) that I've had since we got married(12yrs!) and NEVER used! Not even 1 time! Also got rid of an extra toaster and a bag full of tupperware, plastic bowls, lids that don't match anything, and old plastic plates. I also have 2 big 30-gallon trash bags FULL of outgrown/barely worn/stained/torn clothes to go through and get rid of.
We also cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, swept, mopped, packed things in there, and partially cleaned and washed the fridge. I scrubbed cabinets, wiped walls and baseboards, and went through things bit by bit to see what we can pack (read live without!) and what needs to be left til we move.

This past couple weeks went pretty well. We had Adrian's birthday the 16th, Jane's 24th birthday was the 29th, the twins' was the 30th, Colleen's son Justin's 18th was also the 30th, and Daniel's was the 31st. Went up to Miwaukee the 30th to get Dad and Colleen, and took them back up the same day. Also saw aunt Rae, Pete, Aaron and Pete's son Bubba. They were moving and had to be out by Monday, so Mom and I and the kids went up Monday to help move, and Tuesday to help unpack. Kind of a crazy weekend, but not too bad. Going to call on some houses in Watertown tomorrow, and a few more here as well.

The kids are doing well, and Mike is too. Since he started working 3rd shift as a smokehouse operator, it's been a little chaotic at bedtime, but the kids are adjusting well, and we are making sure that he gets his sleep during the day by doing our quiet chores and things we need to finish for school while he sleeps, and going out for a bit near lunch time to get other things done. Seems to be working well so far, and he usually gets up around 2pm or so.

Been waiting to get my computer fixed, and until I do, I'm tethered to the ethernet cord in order to have internet. Windows 7 OS is nice, but doesn't have the drivers that I need for my wireless. So, my wonderful brother in law is going to re install Vista on it and fix my issues. Until then, I'll probably not be on too much, as chasing kids is WAY more important than updating the blog.