Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Changes Around Here

Well things are going well, and amazingly there have been very few bumps lately. I've been trying to lose some weight for the last couple of months and I'm proud to say that its finally happening. I'm actually able to fit in a sports bra, which I haven't been able to do for quite a while. You see, when you go from a 48 to a 44, things suddenly fit. Like all those shirts I bought last year on sale, the ones I said I'd wear when I lost some boob. Now I can actually try and do that!
And, I'm actually wearing makeup! I haven't bought makeup in at least 4 years, and probably worn it only once or twice in that time period. Well, I bit the bullet and actually forked out the cash to buy some, and have been actually WEARING it! Totally amazes the hubby, and has gotten me more than a few looks from a lot of people.
And I also cut my hair. I've had long hair since before hubby and I got together. When we first started seeing each other it was all the way to my butt. It's usually stayed in the mid-back range in the last 12 years. Not anymore! It's now about shoulder length, maybe a little shorter. And tomorrow, we're coloring the gray that I started to notice yesterday. Hows that for change? I've lost about 2 sizes in the last few months. Not a lot for some people, but when you consider that I've struggled with my weight since my oldest was a baby, it's a big deal to me. I'm aiming for a size 20 by January. That's not a ton of weight loss, because I'm a 22-24 right now, but it's hard for me. That's been at the root of a lot of my problems for a long time. I'm not comfortable in my body, so its hard for me to think that anyone else finds me attractive, including my hubby. I'm finally to the point where I'm taking care of ME for a change instead of just hiding and trying not to be noticed. I normally am always home with the kids, I don't go out places, except for shopping which we do as a family. But that's slowly changing too! I've actually left the house alone a few times in the last month or so, and had FUN! Weird for me, because I always feel like people are staring at me, making fat girl jokes or something.
The best part of all of this is that hubby has told me that he's proud of what I'm doing, and that he likes the changes. It's taken a lot to even ask him how he felt, because of how low my self esteem has been for a long time. I'm not agoraphobic, but I hate being out in public. So it takes some doing for me to WANT to leave the house by myself, without using him or the kids as my shield from people's eyes.
For the longest time, I've been living vicariously through the blogs I read. I live through some of the experiences that I read others doing. I'm finally living myself, instead of wishing or thinking about it.
As a good friend of mine said: "About damn time!"

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