Friday, February 20, 2009

Didn't Sleep Well, Too Much On My Mind

Too much stuff on my mind. Hubby takes in his "sample" today to see if he can go back to work. We can't afford for him to be home for another week, so I'm praying that the meds have worked and he's good to go. Stressful, because he throws off the whole schedule by being here, and is driving me nuts. Also because we need to figure out how we're gonna pay bills and get groceries and everything if he's 0ff for more time. I know that he can take his other week of vacation if he needs to, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.
What amazes me is that no one else has gotten what he has. I've been obsessively cleaning for the past week and a half, and rearranging and vacuuming like a madwoman. Not to mention mopping and scrubbing everything, and making kids wash their hands a million and one times a day.
I don't do well with this kind of thing. Or pretty much anything to do with the city, the health dept, important ppl that can come and inspect your house, or the ones that can take your kids if you know what I mean. It makes me nervous, it even sometimes makes me physically ill.

For an example, we had a dealing with CPS about 4 yrs ago. We'd had a friend (my best friend) and her boyfriend staying with us. He's not known for his good temper. Caleb is a very difficult child to put to bed some nights. This was before I started putting him and Gabe to bed together. So I'm downstairs with Gabe, and he went up to tell Caleb to quit jumping on the bed and go to sleep. Well, he's yelling, and Caleb's yelling. So I put Gabe down on the couch, and went to see what was going on. I go up, and the boyfriend was coming down. He said that he swatted Caleb on the butt for screaming in his face and spitting at him. I went up and checked on him, and asked him what happened, and he told me a different story.
Caleb told me that he was jumping on the bed, which I already knew, and BF came in and told him to go to bed. He said that he told BF that he wanted mom and wasn't going to bed. BF told him to lay down, and he screamed in BF's face, and then BF backhanded him, twice, hard across the side of his neck. Well, I'd never known BF to EVER hit my kids, because he knew that if there was a problem to come get me. And I didn't see any marks, so I figured that Caleb was being a drama queen and I'd just check it again later.
Yes, BF knew that hitting my child was not appropriate, yes he knew that there would be consequences if there was even 1 mark on him. So I let Caleb sleep in my bed with me, since he was upset, along with Gabe (who at the time ALWAYS slept in my bed). And I went to bed, figuring on checking it in the morning. (BTW BF was asked, and denied hitting him like that.)
So when I looked in the morning, I was totally shocked by what I saw. A hand print shaped red mark, with petechiae (hemmoraging) , his neck looked like it was bloodshot. And he had a finger splint shaped bruise. And guess who was wearing a finger splint because he had hurt his finger at work? That's right, the BF.

So I called hubby, told him the situation, and when he got home, he asked BF if he'd hit him and he still said no. So we took Caleb to the police station, filed a report, and had them come talk to him. He told the cops that he did indeed hit him, and that he'd actually hit him twice. He knew it was wrong, and was willing to leave without a fight. Since BF was on probation, his PO revoked him, and he spent 5 days in jail. What does that have to do with CPS? Well if you report that someone else has hurt your child, YOU are investigated too. Yup, that's right, you are investigated.
So, being the not great housekeeper that I am, and having been called on myself because my house was a mess, I totally freaked the hell out! I cleaned everything, called my mom and mil, and they came over and helped me clean every nook and cranny. The worker came and talked to the kids, at school, and called me to say that she needed to come out to the house.
So, she came, and looked thru the whole house--even the fridge and freezer--and her only concern was that she thought the birds cage needed to be cleaned. Of course I laughed, and said that if I cleaned the cage more than 3x a week, the bird would not stay sitting on her eggs, and that since I was breeding birds, I needed her to sit.
I told her how nervous she made me, and how I felt about spanking and how all it takes is just 1 person getting mad and turning you in for something stupid (ie house was a mess cause everyone was sick) to make you freak whenever something happens to your kids. The whole experience affects me even now, I don't leave my kids with anyone except grandma, and my cell phone is on the whole time. I freak over little bumps and bruises. I get physically ill, and sometimes even to the point that I throw up. During that experience I lost 16 lbs in 2 weeks, because I was so freaked I couldn't eat, or sleep and kept throwing up.
Long story short, the case was closed, BF got 5 days in jail, and a 1yr no contact order on us and the kids. He and my best friend got married, he got counseling, and they had a child. My godson, Adrian. Even though he's had counseling, he will never be left alone with my kids. Even if I'm home, because I can't trust that he won't hurt one of them again.
Well, this got way longer than I intended, and I didn't plan on partially writing my life story, lol, but I just wrote how I felt and what was on my mind. Comment away!

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